These Words given by A Parent Which Saved Us during my time as a First-Time Parent

"In my view I was merely in survival mode for a year."

Ex- reality TV star Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the challenges of fatherhood.

However the actual experience rapidly became "utterly different" to his expectations.

Severe health problems during the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was forced into acting as her chief support while also looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, every nappy change… every stroll. The role of both parents," Ryan shared.

Following eleven months he reached burnout. That was when a chat with his parent, on a public seat, that led him to understand he required support.

The simple statement "You're not in a healthy space. You need some help. What can I do to support you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and find a way back.

His situation is far from unique, but rarely discussed. Although society is now more comfortable discussing the pressure on mums and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the difficulties new fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan believes his difficulties are linked to a broader failure to communicate between men, who often hold onto harmful ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and doesn't fall every time."

"It's not a show of weakness to seek help. I failed to do that soon enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, says men often don't want to admit they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not justified to be requesting help" - most notably ahead of a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental health is equally important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the opportunity to request a respite - taking a couple of days away, away from the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He came to see he had to make a change to consider his and his partner's feelings in addition to the practical tasks of looking after a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son to better grasp the expression of emotional life and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen lacked consistent male a father figure. Even with having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, long-standing emotional pain caused his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says repressing emotions led him to make "bad actions" when he was younger to change how he felt, finding solace in drink and drugs as a way out from the anguish.

"You find your way to things that don't help," he explains. "They may briefly alter how you feel, but they will in the end make things worse."

Advice for Managing as a New Father

• Talk to someone - when you are swamped, confide in a trusted person, your spouse or a counsellor how you're feeling. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the pursuits that made you feel like the person you were before having a baby. This might be playing sport, socialising or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the physical health - a good diet, staying active and where possible, resting, all play a role in how your mental state is faring.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - listening to their stories, the messy ones, as well as the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help isn't failing - prioritising yourself is the optimal method you can support your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead provide the security and nurturing he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the feelings safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they acknowledged their issues, changed how they express themselves, and figured out how to manage themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I said, at times I think my purpose is to instruct and tell you on life, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I am understanding just as much as you are in this journey."